Negotiation Part 2 - The 'How'
I used to walk into negotiations unprepared, get pushed back hard, I felt I didn't have enough leverage to push back, folded quickly and end up with the short end of the stick. Sound familiar?
Then I came across Chris Voss’ book which flipped my idea of negotiation. It’s not about convincing someone you’re right. It’s about peeling back the layers to understand what really matters to both sides. Once I started mirroring, labelling, and paraphrasing, I observed the difference where the armour came off, trust is built and win-win didn't seem to feel like an unachievable goal.
One of the biggest pitfalls I see, amongst the younger team members, is silent suffering. Stressed, overloaded, but not a word of negotiation. Here’s the thing: if you don’t speak up and negotiate a humane deadline, your burnout is your problem, not others. Negotiation is how you protect your time, your wellbeing, and your weekends.
2 of my go-to books on negotiation are:
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss - tactical empathy, witty, lessons learnt from FBI negotiations
Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury - a classic book on negotiation based on a calm and collaborative approach. Focus on interests, not positions.
Both have different styles and approaches but are all built upon the same fundamental strategy to understand the other person’s perspective, challenges, difficulties. Achieve a win-win outcome by showing that you care about helping them achieve what they need while establishing your own requirements.
I created my own blend of techniques from both books I’ve used in my workplace negotiations and conversations which I will be covering in the sections below.
Be Prepared! The Pre-Negotiation Checklist
I can’t stress enough about preparation before a negotiation conversation. If you don’t plan, you panic. So here’s your prep cheat sheet:
Strategy
Define your BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement). Know what you will do if the deal fails, and when to walk away.
Identify your range: your floor (minimum acceptable outcome), your ceiling (dream outcome), and your realistic target.
Research the other side: What pressures/challenges/constraints do they face? What does success look like for them?
Tactics
Prep your "Why": What’s your business case? Any data or examples to back you up? How does your ask tie to bigger goals?
Practice saying "no" without stammering.
Be confident in making your requests. Confidence comes with preparation.
Pick the right place, time and documents you need.
5 Negotiation Techniques
1. Clarify Interests with Tactical Empathy
People rarely open with their true worries. Show you see them, and they’ll meet you halfway.
By using the labelling, mirroring and paraphrasing to make your counterpart feel seen and heard, showing you understand the challenges they are facing. This shifts the focus on interests, instead of positions.
An example of labelling which I use regularly:
"It sounds like you’re feeling…". It makes people feel heard, and stops me from jumping straight into fix-it mode.
How to use it:
"It sounds like you’re under pressure to deliver this fast. Is that right?"
"What’s the biggest concern if we push the deadline?"
Mirror: "You mentioned quality is important…" (their exact words)
2. Reframe Problems with Calibrated Questions
When people help create the solution, they stick to it. Ask calibrated questions to make your counterpart feel like they’re in charge, but it’s really you who are framing the conversation. Shift the effort of creating the solution to them. Ask "How" and "What" questions to guide a solution.
How to use it:
"How can we ensure both quality and efficiency?"
"What would need to happen for everyone to feel good about this?"
"How do we balance the client’s urgency with our capacity?"
Sometimes you may get an eye roll and a "I don't know, you tell me!". Don’t worry, think of this like using a Swiss Army knife: you have other tools in the rest of the list. Go back to #1 to further establish trust so that they become open to collaboration.
3. Create Options Using the Yes Ladder
After your counterpart has revealed their underlying issues/challenges and a suggested approach from techniques 1 and 2, you move on to generate options. Collect the ‘yes’ along the way to build the momentum towards your desired outcome. Small yeses = big yeses later.
How to use it:
"Would you agree that quality matters?" (Yes.)
"And that meeting client needs is key?" (Yes.)
"So if we deliver essentials by Friday and polish by Tuesday, would that work?"
4. Anchor and Adjust with Tactical Empathy
Anchor your position while showing you get their constraints. Data + empathy makes you reasonable, not rigid.
How to use it:
"I understand budget’s tight. Based on similar projects, a realistic timeline is three weeks…"
"You’re right, this is urgent. Industry standards say we need these resources…"
5. Find the No to Get to Yes
Switch all your ‘yes-es’ you collected when building your yes ladder, by asking a question that leads to a ‘no’ response.
Getting a ‘no’ response psychologically makes one feels in charge and safe, which makes them trust you and feel comfortable to work together. When "no" is safe, people get creative.
How to use it:
"Is it unreasonable to ask for an extra week to ensure quality?"
"Are you against carrying this out in the next stage, so we meet the original deadline?"
“Is it impossible to….?”
Real Scenarios
A. The Impossible Deadline
Old You: "Sure, I’ll make it work." (cue midnight oil and regret)
New You:
Clarify: "It sounds like there an urgency to get this done. What’s driving that?"
Reframe: "How can we deliver what’s critical to meet the objective without affecting quality?"
Yes ladder: "Would you agree to deliver the key requirements matter most? So, high level writeup by Friday, detailed report by a week later?"
B. The Scope Creep
Them: "Can you add just one more thing?"
Anchor: "I get this is important. Based on our agreement, adding it means 2 additional weeks and 30% more budget…"
Reframe: "How can we handle these new requirements without affecting the original deadline?"
Find the no: "Would it be unreasonable to handle this in the next stage?"
C. The Fee Pushback
Them: "Can you lower your fee?"
Clarify: "Sounds like budget’s tight. Is it the total or timing?"
Yes ladder: "Do you agree getting this right matters? And that experience counts? Is it worth exploring if we structure it to offer you a Total Design package and cover that scope as well?"
The Follow-Up Framework
Great negotiation doesn’t end at "yes":
Record the discussion points.
Agree on check-ins.
Acknowledge the collaboration. People remember how you made them feel.
Your Next Challenge
Pick 1 upcoming conversation where you need to negotiate. Start with just the first technique: tactical empathy. Next time your boss drops an impossible deadline, don’t just agree and suffer in silence. Try: "It sounds like this is urgent. What’s driving the timeline?" and observe what happens next.