Why I stopped trying to be the hero leader (and learnt to delegate)
There was a time when I thought being a good project manager meant being everything, everywhere, all at once.
I was leading large scale infrastructure projects, and despite having a full team, I somehow found myself playing every role: client interface, multi-disciplinary design coordinator, structural engineer, project manager, programme planner, budget overseer, CAD technician, and even the unofficial document controller. If it needed doing, I was probably doing it, usually after hours.
Why? Because I believed I could do it faster and better. Delegating meant slowing down. It meant explaining things, reviewing work, correcting mistakes. Honestly, that felt like more work. So I held on tight. To control. To outcomes. To perfection. But I was wrong.
The burden of the heroic leader
All that knowledge I gained? It stayed with me. I wasn’t teaching. I wasn’t empowering. I wasn’t building capability. I was hoarding it unintentionally, but selfishly.
And all that control? It came at the expense of my well-being. I was overworked, perpetually stressed, and on a fast track to burnout. My team? Underutilized. Not because they weren’t capable, but because I didn’t give them the chance to show me they were.
Let’s call it what it was: hero leadership, the fixer mentality.
When team members came to me with problems, I’d swoop in like a Marvel character with the tools to correct the mistake: “That’s not quite right. Send me the report, I’ll amend it.”
And just like that, I’d do the task for them. Again.
No accountability for them. No development. And frankly, not sustainable for me.
Helicopter parenting at work
It reminded me of helicopter parenting.
Imagine your child comes to you with a tricky science problem. Instead of guiding them, you take over and solve it. They’re thrilled! More playtime! You feel efficient and helpful.
But long term? Nobody wins. You’ve robbed them of the learning moment. And next time, they’ll still need you.
That was me, helicopter-parenting my engineers. Yet I thought I was helping.
The turning point: a balcony view
Then my mentor told me something that shifted my mindset:
“Belle, you can’t do everything by yourself. At your level, you need to elevate your contributions to the firm. Delegate the day-to-day tasks. Train your team. Share your knowledge. Focus on the strategic work that only you can do.”
That hit hard. I realised I’d been on the dance floor for so long, I forgot there was a balcony.
This powerful leadership analogy was introduced by Ronald Heifetz, Marty Linsky, and Alexander Grashow in The Practice of Adaptive Leadership, which describes the need to shift perspectives. The dance floor is where you’re in the thick of the action. But from the balcony, you see the patterns, bottlenecks, and bigger picture.
I thought being a great leader meant dancing with my team. But real leadership meant stepping back, zooming out, and making better decisions from above. Decisions only I could make, because of my experience, not in spite of it.
The power of letting go
So I started letting go.
Did it feel risky? Yes. Did it feel uncomfortable? Definitely. Did it feel like I was dragging five suitcases through the airport while my team walked beside me with empty hands? Honestly, yes and that’s exactly what I looked like.
But something remarkable happened: I realised my team could be trusted. They showed up. They owned their work. They learned from mistakes. They even solved complex problems better than I could have once I stopped intervening.
One time, a team member came to me, stuck. I nearly took over. But I held back and said, “Think about it. Come back with some ideas.” And he did come back with something more creative and effective than what I had in mind.
It was me. I was the bottleneck.
A simple tool that can help you delegate
Here’s a practical tool to help you start delegating with clarity - the RACI matrix.
It stands for:
Responsible – Who does the task?
Accountable – Who owns the outcome?
Consulted – Who provides input?
Informed – Who needs to be updated?
Using RACI makes the roles clear. It gave structure to delegation, and it helped you team understand exactly what is expected of them (without you breathing down their necks).
Image from Xmind
Leadership isn’t fixing, it’s growing
If I’m honest, I liked being needed. It inflated my self-worth. But I’ve since learned:
Leadership isn’t about being the fixer. It’s about being the multiplier.
It’s about developing people to thrive without you. Not because you’re irrelevant, but because you’ve equipped them so well.
Like a proud mum, I now watch my team grow. They make mistakes. They learn. And they come out stronger. My knowledge no longer ends with me. It scales through them.
Final thought
Being a leader is like raising kids to be independent. You can't do their homework forever. You can’t be with them all the time. And if you try, you’ll burn out and they’ll never learn to thrive.
So step up to the balcony. Drop a few bags. Hand out some responsibilities. Watch your team grow.
Take a moment to reflect about your own leadership style:
Are you dancing too hard on the dance floor, losing sight of the big picture?
Is there a task you're holding on to that someone else on your team could grow from?