How to deliver feedback | Feedback Series Part 3
People are complex, emotional, unpredictable, and giving feedback can feel like navigating a multi-level video game. This post continues our Feedback Series. Think of part 1 and 2 of this series as your tutorial level. Understanding the 'why' behind feedback and discovering your feedback archetype.
Now, it’s time to level up. We’re unlocking new tools, frameworks! In this post, you'll learn how to combine them with your archetype to win more battles and sticky feedback situations.
The pre-feedback checklist
I’ll admit that patience is not my default setting. When someone just doesn’t get it, it takes every ounce of control not to go full hammer mode. But unleashing a barrage of blunt feedback in frustration rarely works. It can bruise confidence and shut down the very growth you’re trying to encourage.
I tried embracing the "clear is kind" notion before and I was very clear, sometimes too clear. In hindsight, what I lacked was empathy. What I needed was a better strategy, technique to deliver the message with care. To arrive at the lightbulb moment from the other person, "Yes, I get it now."
Step 1: Check your intent
We have done it before: rage-drafting a feedback email packed with frustration and blame.
That email wasn't necessarily wrong, it just came at the wrong time, with the wrong tone. It didn’t feel like it came from a good place. Sending out the rage feedback email, ask yourself: Am I trying to help, or am I venting?
Red light: You’re emotional, frustrated, and tempted to write a novella.
Green light: You’ve cooled off, centered your intention, and want to see the other person grow.
Step 2 + Step 3: Gather facts & choose your moment
Nothing tanks feedback faster than public humiliation. Giving feedback in front of others doesn’t build accountability, it breeds shame.
As Brene Brown reminds us in her book, Dare to Lead - shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change. Feedback should be private, respectful, and timed with care.
Gather your facts. Find a quiet space. Make sure they’re in a headspace to hear it. Feedback is best received when people feel psychologically safe.
Feedback frameworks
There are so many models out there for giving feedback that it can feel overwhelming and confusing. But these frameworks are useful once you break them down and wrap them in an analogy your brain will remember.
Let’s dive into 3 classic feedback frameworks with a touch of everyday metaphors.
COIN = Polaroid camera
Context: Frame the moment. Where and when did this happen?
Observation: Snap what you saw, not what you think you saw. Be objective.
Impact: Explain the effect of their actions - on the team, the work, the mood.
Next Steps: Suggest a way forward. What would you like them to do differently?
Like a polaroid, the picture develops slowly. Give it space. Don’t shake it. Let the color develop.
SBI = Lab report
Situation: Describe the specific situation where the behavior occurred.
Behavior: What exactly did the person do? Stick to facts.
Impact: Share the result of that behavior on the team, task, or individual.
This one’s for those who are logical with minimal emotion. Precise, factual, efficient.
GROW = Garden planner
Goal: What are you trying to grow? (A skill? A behavior? A mindset?)
Reality: What’s the current soil condition—what’s really happening now?
Options: What could we try? Fertilizer, sunlight, a bit of shade?
Way Forward: What’s the plan? Who does what next?
This framework puts the recipient in the driver’s seat, giving them the responsibility over how they want to grow.
Use these as tools, not scripts, because it is a conversation. Level up your delivery by blending with your archetype to suit the situation.
Mini Quiz: Choose your feedback archetype + framework combo
You may be wondering this is so complicated! How can I make sense of the 3 frameworks with the archetypes covered in Part 2 and apply to different situations. Don't worry, I got you covered with a simple quiz, to help you connect the dots easily.
Answer these 3 quick questions and match yourself with the best archetype-framework combo in the table below.
Question 1: When giving feedback, your default instinct is to…
A - Cheer them on with encouragement
B - Get straight to the point
C - Ask questions and help them reflect
D - Investigate what's really going on
Question 2: Your biggest feedback challenge is…
A - Wanting to stay positive but unsure how to guide improvement
B - Being too blunt and possibly shutting people down
C - Letting the conversation meander without clarity
D - Overthinking and getting stuck in analysis mode
Question 3: Your goal for feedback is…
A - Motivate and uplift
B - Correct issues immediately
C - Help someone grow in the long term
D - Understand the full picture before guiding
Results:
Tally how many A’s, B’s, C’s, or D’s you picked.
If you tie between two styles (e.g., 1B + 2D), you may explore both archetypes and mix frameworks depending on the context.
Handling the tricky parts
Once a colleague give what he thought was constructive feedback to a team member. She started crying.
He started to panic inside. Tissue? Silence? Exit the room?
He chose to stay. Passed her a tissue, gave her space, and gently asked if she wanted to step away for a bit. No panic. No defensiveness. Just presence.
Sometimes, feedback isn’t about words. It’s about holding space for the response.
Make the feedback stick
Giving feedback is like planting a seed. But it won’t grow unless you return to water it.
Follow up. Notice the progress. Celebrate small wins. The most powerful feedback isn’t a one-time performance, it is a long-term investment.
Final thoughts: feedback is a long game
Growth takes time. It doesn’t happen in a single feedback session or after one perfectly-worded conversation. It unfolds over consistent care, safe environments, and trust built day by day.
The kind of leader you choose to be matters. Are you reactive, rushing results, and constantly checking if they’ve got it yet? Or are you the kind of leader who takes a breath, stays curious, and supports your team to reflect, learn, and try again?
Feedback is not about control, it’s about long-term commitment. The kind that helps your team bloom on their own terms, not just when you’re watching.
Keep showing up with heart and care. That’s how leaders grow people.