How to Evolve your Feedback Style: The Six Feedback Archetypes | Feedback Series Part 2
Evolving Your Feedback Style
Have you ever been served a feedback sandwich?
Sometimes, it’s layered with all your favourite ingredients, a warm brioche bun of praise, melted cheese of encouragement, and just a tiny smear of mustard (that bit you’d rather not taste). You walk away feeling satisfied. So satisfied, that you miss the part that really mattered, the constructive feedback hiding under the cheese.
Other times, you’re nibbling through the compliments, bracing yourself for the dreaded “but.” You’re scanning for the pickle. Where is it? Is this a snack or a trap?
I used to default to the feedback sandwich. It felt polite, structured, familiar. My intent was to soften the blow, to preserve the relationship and morale.
But over time, I noticed it often diluted the real message.
So I moved away from a one-size-fits-all method, toward becoming a more intentional feedback giver.
Take Joelle, for instance. She hadn’t followed through on tasks, and the outcome wasn’t what I expected. I began our feedback conversation not by cushioning it. Instead I said the following:
“Walk me through how you approached this.”
Her explanation helped me realise she had misunderstood my instructions and had focused her effort elsewhere. I clarified my expectations, corrected the misunderstanding, and asked her how she would approach the task moving forward. She followed up with the corrections.
That shift is what this post is about:
Recognising your default feedback style
Learning from the strengths (and shadows) of other archetypes
Building a toolkit so you can flex and combine different styles to suit the moment, especially before your next tough feedback conversation
Why Feedback Style Matters
Most leaders avoid giving feedback because they fear the fallout. Will I damage the relationship? Will they take it the wrong way? Will I be misunderstood?
These questions are valid.
When our message doesn’t land well, it’s often not because of what we said, but how we said it.
Think back to feedback that truly changed you. Now think of feedback that left you confused or defensive. The difference often lies not in the content, but in the delivery style.
When we default to one feedback style for all situations, we risk disconnecting from the people we’re trying to help.
Here are 6 feedback archetypes to help you recognise the style you naturally default to. You’ll understand when your go-to approach works, and when it might be getting in the way.
The Six Feedback Archetypes
1. The Sandwich Maker 🥪
Style: Positive-Negative-Positive
When It Helps:
If you're new to giving feedback
With highly sensitive recipients
In formal settings where structure helps
Example: Early in my career, I believed to begin with appreciation and ending on a good note softened difficult feedback. I’d thank someone for their efforts, point out an issue, then reassure them about something else they did well. Over time, I realized this blurred the core message.
Impact: Temporarily cushions, may sound confusing. People may either ignore the negative or distrust the positive.
Watch out for: Using praise as a wrapper rather than with intention.
Try this: Be sincere and specific with all parts of the message. Use "and" instead of "but" to connect thoughts.
2. The Hammer 🔨
Style: Direct, candid, and task-focused.
When It Helps:
Urgent, high-stakes situations
When clarity is crucial
With team members who appreciate bluntness
Example: I once had to address a report submitted by a young engineer. He used AI to generate the report that was factually incorrect. I told him, "AI is not a structural engineer. This report misrepresents our firm. You need to do the fact-checking, rewrite this and resubmit."
Impact: The message was clear. No room for misunderstanding.
Watch out for: Emotional fallout. Not everyone responds well to blunt delivery, even if the message is valid.
Try this: Begin by sharing your intention, why you're giving this feedback. Follow it up with clear, actionable guidance.
For example: "I'm sharing this because I see your potential and want to help you succeed. Here's what needs to change, and how we can work on it together."
3. The Gardener 🌱
Style: Developmental, patient, supportive.
When It Helps:
Coaching for growth
Long-term capability building
When trust is already established
Example: You notice someone new on your team has potential but lacks confidence. You start regular check-ins, ask open-ended questions, and guide them to find their own solutions over time.
Impact: The person begins to own their growth. Change takes root more deeply.
Watch out for: Taking too long when urgency is needed. Assuming everyone wants coaching.
Try this: Check if the person wants coaching. You may ask, "Would you like some thoughts on how to approach this next time?” or “Are you open to a bit of coaching here?”.
Then align the pace of support with the urgency of the task.
4. The Judge ⚖️
Style: Balanced, fair, evidence-based.
When It Helps:
Annual reviews
Discussing readiness for promotion
Providing performance context
Example: Edward, a team member, believed he was ready for promotion. I respected his performance, but I knew he wasn’t quite there. During our review, we walked through our team's competency guide together. I asked him to assess his own gaps and suggest steps for growth. We scheduled a follow-up for accountability.
Impact: Edward felt heard, not dismissed. And he left with clarity.
Watch out for: Over-balancing. Not all feedback is 50/50. Minor positives should not mask major issues.
Try this: Focus on what matters most. Don’t just "balance", help the other person prioritise.
5. The Cheerleader 📣
Style: Affirming, encouraging, positive reinforcement.
When It Helps:
Building confidence
Recognising wins
Boosting morale during tough times
Example: Vivian created a deck that broke down a complex issue into a clear narrative. I made it a point to tell her, "Great job on the slides! They are clear and concise to deliver the message on a complex issue."
Impact: She felt seen and valued. She brought that same energy into future work.
Watch out for: Praise without substance. Skipping the hard conversations.
Try this: Make your praise specific, earned, and timely. Don’t let positivity be a detour around accountability.
6. The Ghost 👻
Style: Avoidant, unclear, absent
When It Happens:
When discomfort wins over courage
When we tell ourselves it’s "not the right time"
Example: A project manager once avoided giving direct feedback to a team member who wasn’t meeting expectations. Instead of addressing it, he redid the work himself. The team member was later removed from the project without a conversation. Only after did he share the issues with me, when it was too late.
Impact: Trust breaks down. Learning is blocked. Resentment builds.
Watch out for: Delayed reactions, silent treatment, unspoken judgments.
Try this: Start small. Offer low-stakes feedback to build comfort. Remember: clarity is kindness.
What’s Your Default Style?
We often move between two dominant archetypes depending on context.
Consider:
Under pressure, which style do you fall into?
With someone you trust, how do you typically deliver feedback?
When you're uncomfortable, what do you avoid or overcompensate?
Building Your Feedback Toolkit
The most effective leaders flex between styles.
Before you give feedback, ask:
What’s the urgency?
What’s the relationship I have with this person?
What’s the outcome I want?
What style might resonate best with them?
Feedback isn’t just a message, it’s a moment of connection. A chance to show someone they are seen, and that you believe in their potential.
We don’t have to default to just one style. Transitioning between archetypes, based on situation and person, helps us show up with intention and care.